


...And You Can't Breathe Here

by roseandheather



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: F/M, Missing Scene, spoilers for 1x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseandheather/pseuds/roseandheather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene from "The Fifth Stage". Christa's devastated. Neal helps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...And You Can't Breathe Here

There is nothing to say, so he says nothing.

Instead he comes up beside her, quiet, wordless. He reaches out, takes her hand in his, laces their fingers together. She lets out a hitching sob and he responds the only way he knows how, by bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a fervent kiss to white, raw knuckles.

She doesn't say anything, either, but her fingers grip his hand so tight it's almost painful.

"I'm sorry," she whispers at last.

He doesn't bother with pretense. "I know."

Her breath catches. "I was wrong."

"I know."

She gasps like she's been punched. "Neal, I can't _do_ this."

"That's where you're wrong," he murmurs, and she turns to him, hides her face in his shoulder, and flings her arms about his neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, starting to shake in earnest. "Neal, I'm so _sorry._ "

"I know." His voice is rich and low in her ear, one arm curled tightly around her waist, the other soothingly rubbing her back. "I know, Christa."

"You must be so disappointed," she rasps at last, and he jerks. His hands don't leave her waist, but the sudden movement loosens her arms, and she lifts her head enough to look into his eyes.

"Why on earth would you think that?" He can hardly believe his own ears. "Be disappointed in you for _what,_ Christa? For _caring?_ For not having had the time or the experience in this job to learn how to cope with the hardest part of _any_ of the healing professions? Christa, darling, I could only ever be disappointed in you if you _stopped_ caring. You've learned from this, right? You'll try not to make the same mistake twice?"

"Of course," she says, blinking in confusion, "but I -"

"But _nothing._ This is what residency is _for._ Do you think I was born with my coping skills? Or Rollie with his? Or Jesse, or Amy, or even Mike? You need _time,_ that's all." He can't help it; he hugs her close against him, tight, trying to say everything he's feeling without words.

"Besides," he adds at last, "I seem to remember one particular case where _you_ had to snap _me_ out of it. Or am I imagining things?"

She ducks her head, and for the first time since everything, a smile curls the corners of his mouth. "Christa, the only person who expects you to deal with all of this alone is _you._ We're all human. That's what makes us doctors, and not robots. Okay?"

"Okay," she agrees, and he thinks she might be starting to believe him. Blue eyes blink up at him, and she sounds so tentative it breaks his heart when she whispers, "And you still..."

She doesn't finish the sentence. She doesn't have to.

" _Christa,_ " he says, and takes her chin in his hands. "I am with you because of _you._ Understand? You don't have to live up to some sort of standard, except the one where you give your very best - and I have never seen you give less. I don't think you _could._ And no matter what happens, it's going to be you I want to fall asleep holding. No one else. _You._ Okay?"

"Okay," she whispers, and ducks her head to hide her face in his shoulder. "Okay."

They don't move for quite some time.


End file.
